Changes that occurred in my life in 2014

Just some random things I thought I should conclude for this year. This also serves as a checkpoint for me to look back a few years from now to see how much I would have grown.

1. I used to think that people didn’t want to listen to me talk and I was really bad at speaking. I realised it was because most of the time, I didn’t give them a chance to listen by expressing my thoughts and resulting in a lack of practice in voicing for myself.
2. I used to lead my life like a robot. I just did what I was told to do and did everything logically. Now I try to follow my heart and of course not go overboard about doing it. (Life is about balance yo)
3. Because of point 2, I realised that I didn’t really have something in my heart that I really liked, especially when it comes to long terms goals and what kind of things I enjoy and like. Regarding this issue, I am still searching for what I want to be and do in life. 
4. I used to think that Christians are really screwed up people. Like how the religion is all about asking non-christians to go to hell and how christians have certain rules to follow eg. no premarital sex, divorce. And how they ‘pretend’ all so serious about helping and caring about other people when they have so many superficial and uncaring rules. But I realised firstly that the religion itself is much more than going to church, reading the bible, singing weird songs and telling people that they will go to hell. I learnt that it was about love, forgiving, and gratitude. Secondly that I shouldn’t judge people just because they are christians. (Yes, I used to do that a lot. I am sorry. >< ) Not everyone is pretentious about helping and caring; a lot of people are sincerely doing so. And lastly, I know that I haven’t completely understood the religion (more of understanding why so many people believe in christianity) so I am trying to learn more about it. 
5. I learn to actively step out of my comfort zone. Well sometimes I do it unconsciously. But I guess it’s more about dealing with the situation that I am not comfortable in. And I think I am getting more conscious about situation when I don’t feel in place. In the past, I wasn’t sensitive about my feelings, which brings me to point 6.
6. I realised that a lot of times, when things happen, I don’t really know how to react, which actually explains my laugh at almost everything. When I feel awkward, I laugh. When the joke is funny, I laugh. When the joke is really bad, I laugh too. Laughter is almost like my immediate response to everything. I don’t know if it is because I don’t know what my feeling is or it is because I don’t have any feeling. The latter seems much worse but I haven’t concluded anything.

(This is not the end of the list yet. I will finish this by the end of this year. :D )
Blogger's post editing thing improved (Y) but the templates still suck. I want to consolidate everything I have on wordpress and blogger but I have yet to decide how I want to do it. >:(

how did I manage to write so much?

Google chrome failed to help me post on my blog using my phone. Now I forgot what i wanted to write about. Let me think...

Oh. I wanted say I think I lost some of my ability to communicate, particularly in English, due to lack of communication with people when mugging for non GP subjects and watching too much Korean shows and dramas. Nowadays, I look at Chinese/English subtitles and the Korean phrases just pops up in my brain. This is bad. I think it is spoiling my grammar that's why I wanted to post something to help myself gain back some skills.

Even twitter is not helping because I just backspace everything when I feel that something is wrong about my grammar. :( And, I cannot consolidate my thought. Everything is in chunks.

I have been thinking a lot these days even though it is not really the right time (I should be studying). I realise I don't like to reflect about my life. When there is those kind of situation where the teacher asks us to reflect and say all those touching stuff, I always end up saying all the lame stuff. This is bad(?). I think it is some kind of problem with me. I don't like to think about my life and all those touching stuff. Maybe it is not wrong but it is something I hope I can change? I should be more open about my thoughts because no one is going to judge right? I think I am always afraid of saying the wrong things but there isn't a right or wrong way to think, is there? (here comes my weird sentence structure) so I shouldn't be bothered about what I say too much?

Maybe it is just being me. It will be weird if I just start saying those kind of mushy(?) stuff. Yes it is weird, I just imagined it in my head and I had goosebumps. But if I keep all those thoughts in my head, it is not doing anyone good. Isn't it better if I let people know that I appreciate them, I feel apologetic and bad, etc? But it still difficult for me to say those stuff. Maybe it is the problem of getting used to it. :/

Awkward place to end but I can continue this self debate forever because I haven't come to a conclusion yet. Hope I can come to a conclusion soon so I won't have to be so bothered by this. :D

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Have been busy with work and my research. Today is like my free-est day ever since I started work. Work has been a little too much for me. All my own fault actually. I've been work for about 10 hours everyday. I am crazy.  I am going for 9-10 hours on the next two days as well. I also don't know what I am thinking. LOL. I just want to like max out my body. or maybe lose some weight. haha. I actually lost some. :D

waiting for my mcdonalds' to come now. my sis say it will come at 8pm and she say she is going to die. Yay.

I got a job.

I got a job. haha. went for the trial yesterday. it was quite fun. the people there are just fun. :D just that there were something wrong with my eyes/contact lenses. which made me feel a little bit uncomfortable and awkward. and perhaps look awkward too. But i am not going back there to work again. I just hope that the ppl at nex are fun as well.

and there is this shop at PoMo with like a lot of doraemon stuff. not very ex too..... i bought a earpiece for 8 bucks :D:D:D my mum asked me not to go there ever again. :(

It's been long since I last posted.

Went to and came back from Macau/China. Dyed my hair. Hey. I bought a new bag (finally). And gained weight I guess. That's the 3 most important things about that trip. haha. Everything else is boring actually. >.<

I don't want to say anything. I am bored but I don't want to do anything. I just want to lie on my bed the whole day. And eat chicken. argh.

Sometimes I feel that even if I disappear from the world, nobody will notice. Will you notice?

Hehe

I am happy. I probably shouldn't be happy cause o level higher mother tongue is tomorrow and I haven't read like half of the notes yet. I seriously don't know what to do about that?! omg. what if I get a B?! it's sad. argh. whatever. I am still going to play maple like now. (alright it's later)

I want to dye my hair purple. yes it's purple. I wanted red at first. But I think like most aunties dye their hair red? And most red dyes are not like the super bright red kind. Purple is cooler? yea cause red (hot) + blue (cool) = purple (neutral). Yay. I am so awesome.

I am kind of looking forward to grad night? But I don't know what to do with my hair/makeup/transport there. bleh. whatever.

Hehe

Secrets

I guess I have a lot of secrets in my life. And I think I won't tell anybody even after I die. (Technically I won't be able to tell anybody after I die... O.o). Hehe

I am crazy. I realised I seldom listen to songs. Let along using my laptop. I look at my iTunes then I headache. Dx. whatever. higher chinese o levels are coming. I keep on telling myself that I have to study but I am obviously not. I cannot concentrate. I think I will start studying when school ends? idk. argh

eoy break

Have been playing sims 2 for the past few days. For the whole day. I think I am getting a bit bored of it, which is good for now. If not my mum will start scolding me again. I am finally installing maple. (It's loading now :P)

I want to go watch a movie although it means that I will have to spend some money. But it has been very long since I last watched a movie so I want to watch. Plus, EOYs are over (although there's still HCL O levels. omg.). I am going to ECP again tmr. This time I guess I know how to go already. haha. And I don't think I am going to walk across half of ECP again and sweat like hell. I got tanned on my forehead from that day off kite-flying at ECP.

oh no something happened to the maplestory thingy cannot open. omg. I took so long to move my files to the other hard disk and finally install maple and now cannot open. wts. I am going to faint like how the woman in korean dramas does it.

the new windows live messenger is weird. I cannot change my name. argh.

exams are over

eoys are over but I don't really feel like super happy. Maybe perhaps I wasn't mugging like super crazily or maybe there's still o levels omg. die manz. I shall not think about it now. argh.

so many things past but i don't feel like posting about them. i don't know why. maybe i am still excited to do other stuff. hehe. Shall post about them soon. before I forget. wait for them. haha

kaka

was watching wo cai yesterday then got detective conan. omg. they even used the same music like the starting and when xiaoxiaobing was saying who the 'murderer' was. argh. made me miss watching conan. hehe. I am going to watch conan now!! XD

I realised that nowadays like nothing to do when I come online. i seriously don't know what to do lah. sian. :( just hope for eoys to end soon then I can play sims 2 like crazy.

BUSY

I guess maybe I have lost my habit to blog. I don't even know what to blog about. Life's been busy. Even during trips to school/home I don't have time to stare and people or observe them. It's either I am too tired so I sleep or I will just keep on thinking about the stuff I need to do.

Recently I keep getting headaches. Today is the same. Since yesterday I should say. I don't feel like doing anything. This is sucky. :(

Life is unfair.

Is believing in people wrong? Why do people have to cheat me? It's not like they get things from cheating my feelings. What's wrong with them? Or is it something wrong with me? Trusting people too easily. I don't get it. Is everyone in this world doing things that are like fake? So I cannot trust everyone? What is wrong with trusting people? Trust is hard. Some people take very long to trust. But me? Trust people and get cheated. I think it's unfair. Life is unfair. Yes, we all know it.

YOG

The closing ceremony of the Youth Olympic Games is going on now.

The YOG has brought people playing a sport together. It has brought a country together. It has brought the whole world together. I saw people from different countries making friends together. The feeling was like so great.

Even though I have so much work to catch up, I don't regret volunteering at the YOG. Looking at teenagers like me coming together from all over the world to Singapore, the feeling is like totally indescribable.

I <3 YOG :D

finally

I finally fixed my blogskin/changed my blogskin.

yog judo was fun. but i don't feel like going to icc again. it makes me sick. after one whole day, saturday, being there, I felt very uncomfortable. and yesterday i had fever. luckily the doctor gave me 2 days of mc. then i can do my homework today and not go to school. i feel damn sian. lost. irritated. missing school for so many days makes me feel sick. it sucks. i am sure going to be lost when i go back. i don't want to go to school.

有些事情是命中注定，而有些只是巧合。

有些巧合是命中注定。

但命中注定的事，绝对不是巧合。

I know my blog layout is screwed. I also don't know why. I didn't even change anything. At first i thought it was only like that on Google Chrome. In the end it turned out that Adelle had that too. and I went to Firefox and it was still like that. I don't know what to do. :|

This lamb is so cute... once again. it's stupid and retarded. hahaha (laughs like the annoying orange!)

Have not posted for super long i guess.... actually not about one week. I think cause i feel that time has been pasting super slowly. like freaking slowly. i am like slowly spending every second and minute.

don't feel like posting about my operation. basically my leg was like numb at first then it started to be like pain. LOL. but now i feel okay... but my scar is like freaking freaking disgusting lahh. i don't want to see it manz. but it's like now exposed cause it's nicer when it is like being aired. i have like mc until the 31st manz. but i think i am still going to school. idk if i can walk already. i don't dare to like try. i feel like my left leg got like totally no strength lah. :( i dreamt that i could walk one day okay. so happy. i feel like a baby lor... like everyday improving... haha. but it's like so tired walking with crutches. when i stand i feel like all the blood rush to my leg. then it will become like brown colour. o.o

everyday i just slack. bla bla. i need to do my work manz. :/

going for operation tmr. i don't feel like as excited/nervous as last time. maybe tmr i will start feeling it. >.<>

Fallin' For You - Colbie caillat

The song is nice and the mv is so cute. haha. got the fat guy. Enjoy. :)